A Little Victory - Day 7

This is a poem I wrote a few days back to share with my chuch. When I wrote it, it symbolized hope in something that hasn't fully come to past. When I read it, it became about courage in spite of fear. It's hard to explain that in a few words....but I'll try.

I felt an incredible amount of fear for something that should have been so small. It was to the point that I wouldn't even think about it because I'd physically feel ill. I was up and down the whole time -  praying, getting to a place of peace, then tumbling back into fear again. It was stressful. And frustrating.

God definitely gave me courage though. And He gave me people. A really close friend - more like a sister - came to me and was willing to listen. Her support meant so much because she pushed through the icy walls of "I'm fine" and "everything's okay" that I tend to put up when I'm really a mess inside. She was the first person that I actually read the poem aloud to.

My boyfriend was so incredibly supportive as well. He challenged me to follow through instead of giving up. He also told me something that I don't think I'll ever forget. I was nervous about working on my poetry in front of him - I usually work alone, then share what I've got. What he said went something like , "Don't feel like you have to go away and get perfect before you can come to me." I can't really explain now why that meant so much, but it did. And it ran deeper than just the poetry.

So, no matter what anyone may think about this poem, to me it was part of a growing process. I know that I'll be able to look back over this and remember it as a victory.

Me = 1, Fear = 0

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Your love is spilling over

 the rough edges of my heart

I’m still flawed and unfinished,

But you don’t give up.

Your love reaches down

through time,

through sin

through fear

past pain

and all the voices that claimed

That I can’t make it.

That I’m too small,

 too weak,

Strange

and unequipped for the changes ahead

These words leave me restless and full of anxiety,

You break the chains of false security

confusion and selfish pride that keep

me from running to You.

But Your grace is enough

You make all things new.

                 

It doesn’t make sense to me

How deep Your loves goes.

The starkest poverty can’t exhaust your riches

Your light is so bright it cannot be eclipsed

Darkness can’t blind You, /Shadows can’t hide You

night is like day,

and tragedy just intensifies Your glory

Use my story

As part of your plan

To speak truth,

heal broken hearts,

and cut through sin’s cages

You’re the God of the Ages

And to You is the kingdom.

You have all the power.

You reign, King of glory

Forever, and ever, and ever

Amen. 

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-- Psalm 34:5