Lately I've been reading The Grand Weaver by Ravi Zacharias. It's a densely packed book, full of so many profound lines that I've found it hard to stop underlining and sticky-noting places in it. (yo, 'sticky-noting' is a real word! - well spell-check didn't mark it.) Anyway, he said something on p. 39 that really stuck out to me:
"...at the end of your life one of three things will happen to your heart: it will grow hard, it will be broken, or it will be tender. Nobody escapes. Your heart will become course and desensitized, be crushed under the weight of disappointment, or be made tender by that which makes the heart of God tender as well."
I've always been a person that felt like I had to protect myself. I held back from others out of fear or judgment.Waiting to love someone fully only if they deserved it. And nobody ever did. I lived in a state of grudging or hesitant affection, even towards the people closest to me. I held myself and others to a high standard because I feared pain and rejection more than anything else.I was walking down the path to a hard heart.
God's standard thought, is the only one that matters. I know I've been forgiven and I know I'm made worthy by His blood. But I still struggled to let go of the standard I built.
This semester, God has brought me through so many difficult things, many of which I've never gotten to blog about. My battle with depression, my struggle to trust God for my brother's life, and my recent breakup with a guy I was crazy about all had the potential to leave me in that second category: broken-hearted. Through all of those things, though, God has shown me unwavering, lavish love. Love so big that I don't have to protect myself with false ways of being secure, like my impossible standards. My security is in Christ, and He is a strong tower.
The tough thing about His protection is that it doesn't allow me to remain protected the way I define it- cloistered off from people.
His strength dares me to be vulnerable, because He wants to be my only shield.
His love conquers fear, so I can be truthful and bold.
He asks me to trust beyond my five senses because through it I learn to live faith.
He frees me to take risks because even if I fall flat, He is a healer and I'm never too far gone.
Vibrant. Confident. Fierce. Me?
Yup, that's right!
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God's love is so powerful, it's painful sometimes. It encompasses us, but it challenges us too- daring us to embrace it and let ourselves be embraced by it fully. Love sounds so simple-- that's because it is. But that doesn't make it easy or even attractive at times. But, I am so grateful for one thing about true Love. He never changes-- even when I wish He would. :)
ReplyDeleteThis really spoke to me today. I have read this before but today, today was a very hard day and I wasn't sure if my fiance and I were going to make it. You inspired me to keep going and loving without holding back. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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